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Identity

This category contains 12 posts

I found a letter I wrote to my abusive X before the divorce…. Have you ever wondered how abused people think?

The quoted letter was written to my X during the last three years of our “marriage”. In this post, I’m responding to myself in the past, correcting a few of those old perspectives. I wonder what I’ll think of it after a few more years of healing?This might be helpful to you or someone you … Continue reading

Modesty, Nudity, and My Dangerous Body – Fear or fear not? that is the question

I was chatting with an artist friend today about nakedness and my response to seeing it, comparing the sight of feminine nudity to that of male nudity, even the non-erotic sort that is preferable to me either way. A nagging sensation that has been bothering me for quite some time finally coalesced enough to really see … Continue reading

Are you vulnerable to manipulation? When relational predators turn strength into weakness.

Relational predators have an innate skill for turning strengths into weaknesses. Remember, just because who you are can be used against you doesn’t mean you are worthless. It just means you’re with someone who doesn’t know how to appreciate your value. And it’s important to understand, especially when dealing with predators, that every element of ones identity can appear as both a weakness … Continue reading

Hearing the heart from which you speak …

It wasn’t until I heard myself, the part of me that held its breath and hid away behind clenched teeth, that I began to learn who I was and how I had been controlled. What I wanted wasn’t always what I thought I was looking for. My hopes weren’t always from the soul. Too often … Continue reading

To be honest, I’m not one for labels these days — Accepting “feminism” as part of me.

To be honest, I’m not one for labels these days. Even those I apply to myself are held loosely because I’ve realized that, while I am very like many people in so many ways, I am always, always somehow different as well. And for obvious reasons a label will blind others to that fact. I know how … Continue reading

Who am I?

I ask myself, “Who am I?” –impossible question! I wander, awaiting the answer that will crystallize existence and freeze it into a form that I can keep in my pocket and know completely. How large is my pocket? – Mere Dreamer Read the rest at Love ≠ Love: Who am I?.

I wasn’t going to be me, but that didn’t work out so well.

There is something about a framework of walls that makes a lot of people-of-faith comfortable, as if they are where they’re supposed to be. But that comfort seems so deceptive to me now that I’ve been evicted. Back when I was inside those walls, I wasn’t developing or growing much. If anything, the teachings I … Continue reading

When it is unimaginable to be yourself … pretend.

When I realized how much religious pressure and brainwashing I’d gone through growing up, I had to test a lot of assumptions. One … am I really straight? Now, I assume I’d have noticed if I were lesbian … but it was possible I might be bi without letting myself notice. It is with great interest … Continue reading

Why I Don’t Believe in “Normal”

This: “I DO NOT BELIEVE IN NORMAL. And I want us all to be set free from the relentless pursuit of it. Because, when you’re gunning for normal I think really you’re gunning for one of two things. “One. Perfect. Which isn’t. And it isn’t ever going to be. No matter how much stuff you … Continue reading

Two things about stories, and when to share them.

“…poor boundaries, making myself vulnerable to someone who is not safe. who is not capable of holding my story in their hands and seeing the gift, the importance, the weight of it. This was a person who didn’t want to know me; they wanted to change me.” “Grace is saving my story, my me-ness, for when they are ready … Continue reading

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